Organisms have an intimate and complex relationship with food. We not only literally take it into our bodies, but also we assimilate it into our own being. Additionally, it triggers deep emotion and often memories, and is capable of forming its own. It can be fulfilling. It can make us ill. In many ways, what we eat is not dissimilar to our relationship with other beings.
Relationships with others enrich our lives by providing different eyes through which to see the world. We exchange narratives and in healthy relationships, offer support and encouragement in positive directions. Relationships can help us grow, evolve, and actualize. They can also tear us down, violate us, and erode our sense of self.
When we go to the grocery store, we’re taught to eat a round or square, or now triangular meal. Whatever the geometry being promoted by the current powers that be, the general advice is to pick a variety of wholesome foods, and consume them in sensible moderation (I am in no way a dietician, but this is what I have gleaned from the information). What if, however, we only ate steaks and lollies? I don’t need to go into the physiological challenges for it to be clear that we’d be constipated, sugar-doped messes. Our vitality would nosedive, and a lot of really good food would be missed out on entirely.
What if our friends are all steaks and lollies? If they’re just like a single part of us or are insipidly agreeable? If they don’t stretch our horizons or challenge our perspectives? Take a relationship with someone who is respected, but somewhat bitter. A cranky neighbor, or a tired old dog. What possible relational benefit can emerge? Unlike our relationship with most foods, relationships with living organisms go both ways, so expand the system under scrutiny to examine both organisms. Will showing warmth to your cranky neighbor benefit the neighbor? Will that make your experience in your community more pleasant or might you learn something from your cranky neighbor’s perspective? And in the case of the dog, a cranky dog isn’t a happy dog, so surely, you can feel some satisfaction in helping or bringing comfort to an unhappy animal.
Extending this analogy farther to nature: to the plants, the frogs, the birds, also proves valuable. When we learn that a newt can live 15 years (!) we may be more wary of our footfalls in near the pond. When we learn that Canada Geese live 75 years, mate for life, and grieve forever for their lost mate, we may now consider them as unsuitable targets for our hunting excursions. Or that a single butterfly must migrate from Canada to Mexico for the next generation to succeed, we may ease up on the highway to avoid smacking it with our windshield. That the much loathed starling can learn to understand and mimic human speech, can live over 20 years, and have complex and dynamic social structures.
As we spend time with our friends with whom we are much alike, we should get to know the living things around us also. They have many differences to share, and their perspectives are valuable. Befriending beings that are different from our selves, like a grocery basket from many different aisles, will help us become healthier and make our lives more enjoyable.